How to become your own biggest fan
This Valentines day I wanted to dedicate my weekly blog to the topic of self love. So often we focus on giving love and showing up for other people - but what about for ourselves? In life, you only ever have you. Relationships come and go, friendships are fleeting, and family can change. The constant in your life is always you. So why do we neglect this relationship so much?
Often it’s because we don’t respect ourselves as much as we respect others,(sad I know ☹️). Therefore, we need to shift how we view our self worth and start acting in a way that warrants respect and compassion from ourselves.
This can feel awkward and alien to alot of us. But we have to start loving ourselves if we ever want to achieve the things we want to, and be the woman we want to be. So here’s how you’re going to start showing up as your biggest fan…
First things first, we have to get to the bottom of our insecurities. Sit and reflect on what exactly it is that irks you about yourself. This can be uncomfortable, but we have to understand our psyche in order to change it. When you figure out what it is you don’t particularly like, dig deeper and ask why. Chances are, your answer will be, “I don’t know, I just don’t like it”. If you cannot think of a reason why, it’s probably because someone else, or society has told you to feel insecure about this certain thing. Think back to when you was a child - did you care about said thing then? Probably not, you was too busy having fun to notice. If you can think of a reason you don’t like yourself, then ask yourself how you can change it. This reflective work is vital if we want to move forward. Self love has to be unconditional, which means we embrace the good, bad and the ugly. We need to become so aware of who we are, that even if there are things we would change, we still accept and love ourselves as is.
Once we start to understand our self perception a bit more, we can look to change it. If you are guilty of negative self talk (which most of us are), this is when you can start to shift that voice in your head to be a little bit more positive. Here’s 3 mindset shifts that you could try:
Start acting like your own parent: Every time you go to critique yourself to others or internally, stop and think to yourself - is this how I would treat/talk to my child? If the answer is no, then take that parental caution and use it to protect the inner child inside of you. Be your own proud parent, celebrate your achievements, compliment your beauty and learn to forgive yourself. Look after that mini you inside.
Name your negative voice: This one might make you feel a little crazy, but let’s say your inner pessimist is called Julie (sorry to any Julies reading 🙏🏻). When she starts to nag, and share her unwanted opinions, remind yourself that Julie doesn’t represent all of you. She’s just a little voice inside your head, there is plenty more to you than what she thinks. Dissociate from that negative voice as it doesn’t define who you really are - stop giving Julie authority over your thoughts and feelings.
Mirror work: When I first tried this I definitely felt embarrassed, but after some practice it becomes more natural. So often we only look in mirrors to check we “look okay” before heading out. But next time you are face to face with your reflection, look at her, study her, find what makes her unique. Whether you say it aloud or repeat in your head, look for the beauty in your reflection. Our thoughts reflect our reality, the more positive our thoughts, the more positive our reality, and our love for ourselves will soon start to show in our physical appearance.
Shifting our inner voice to be more positive can take a lifetime, and we often need external help along the way. So here are some tools that will help push you into that self love and acceptance mindset:
1) Keeping a Proud file - Whether it’s virtual or something you can hold, create a space where all of your achievements are in one place and you can look at them when you forget how special you are. Even if it’s just in your notes - “today I achieved a new PB at the gym!”, having these little reminders is a great way to realise that actually, you are worthy of all the love and support.
2) Doing shadow work - This is a form of journaling that can be triggering. But it is helpful in understanding the “darker” sides of ourselves. As I said before, we need to understand why we are the way we are in order to change. Search up shadow work prompts on google, or use ChatGPT to generate some journal entries to help you.
3) Change your beauty standard - The standard pushed on us women is frankly too much to keep up with. We are all meant to be different, that’s what makes us beautiful. Stop following and idolising people that look, sound and act completely different to you. If you are looking for inspiration, find likeminded women with similar features to you, similar careers you look up to, or similar life experiences. This will make it easier for you to love your individuality.
4) Connect with your younger self - Look at pictures of your younger self, do guided meditations to connect with her, think back to her childhood. Do not lose your innocence and connection to her. When you go to be negative or doubt yourself, think about 8yr old you - how would she view you now? What would she admire about you? Remember how far you’ve come and never neglect her.
5) Disconnect from social media - Similar to the point made in no.3, following lots of influencers can negatively affect your self perception. If you know you struggle with your self worth, then PLEASE unfollow anyone that makes you feel worse. Social media is a highlight reel, it’s not real life. Spend less time consuming possibly harmful content.
I hope these tips can help you build your self image and self worth because you are worthy of all the love and acceptance 🥰. This can take time and some of these practices can feel uncomfortable at first, but that’s okay. Loving ourselves should be a priority, so take each day as a new opportunity to realise you are, and always will be, the love of your own life🫶🏻.
